It’s a truth few talk about openly. Sometimes, the “mean girl” energy isn’t out in the world. It’s wearing Golden Goose sneakers and sitting on the front pew with a polished veneer of a smile.
Being a pastor’s wife comes with expectations like grace and humility. Leadership and hospitality. But behind the role, there are cliques, power plays, and quiet judgment. The church, which should feel like a family, can start to feel like a private club with unspoken hierarchies.
I once overheard a pastor’s wife say something that floored me. The comment was about new furniture that was purchased for the church entry way. The comment was ” I do not like the new furniture. I will have new furniture ordered because I am the Church princess.” Another conversation was overheard during an event at the church’s outreach program. The pastor’s wife looked around and said, “It is full of those kind of people.” Words like that don’t just sting, they expose a deeper issue: pride disguised as leadership.
I know mean girl energy because I have been on the receiving end of it many times. I was the target of it while growing up. The pastor’s wife had unknowingly referenced me as “those people” when making her comment at an outreach program. I recognize her quiet looks. I notice the backhanded compliments. She would have conversations with me only to obtain something she wanted. So when I see it now, even in church, I recognize it instantly. It doesn’t matter how well dressed you are or how spiritual you seem, mean is mean.
And while it is heartbreaking to see this in spiritual spaces, it is also a wake up call. Ministry isn’t about being the most admired or in control. It is about being the most accepting, non-judgmental, peaceful person in that position. There is no room for condescension or power trips in the house of God.
Church leadership, especially pastors’ wives, should be a reflection of Christ: humble, open, kind. Women do not need another perfect example, they need someone who is real and honest. Someone who sits with “those people”, listens with out judgment, and refuses to build walls around their inner circle.
Mean girl culture can’t survive in a community built on grace. And if you have ever been on the receiving end of it, know this: you are seen. You belong. and this behavior does not need to be tolerated. There is a church on every corner. Feel free to find a place that helps you grow in your walk with Christ not hinder it.
Let’s tear down the thrones and build longer tables. That is where Jesus would sit anyway without Golden Goose shoes.
There’s no crown in the kingdom for mean girl behavior, just strive to love louder, lead humbler, and make room for everyone at the table ~ making of a minimalist
Making of a Minimalist 