I was blessed to be able to retire at age 45, not realizing that being retired was often associated with the thought that you were some how “less than”, according to society. I quickly began to see how our worth is tied to the fullness of our proverbial plates. Busy equals success. The pressure that culture placed on me to be busy was a heavy burden. I began to fill my days with tons of volunteer duties, Church duties, social duties, until I hated doing them all. Constantly being asked to help with this and that because friends thought I had nothing to do.
The fact that our importance in society is tied to our busyness and not our productivity is actually very sad. I was so overwhelmed and overscheduled after retirement that I began to turn my phone off, hide from people, and lie about commitments just so I wouldn’t be asked to help with one more event. I then came to the realization that I have to take control of my life and schedule. I began to say “NO” to things that were being asked of me. I actually had a friend answer for me one day, “don’t ask her because this is obviously her year of ‘NO’!”, and it hit me, yes this is my year of “NO”.
I don’t say no because I am so busy , I say no because I don’t want to be so busy.
Courtney Carver
I have found so much freedom in the word NO!
Ways to say no
- Sounds nice, but I am not available.
- I am flattered that you asked me, but I will have to decline your offer.
- Unfortunately it is not a good time for me.
- My plate is already full.
- I am just not accepting any more responsibilities at this time.
- I am unavailable right now, but thank you for thinking of me.
The Year of NO did not come easy at first. The identifying factor in this new NO attitude began when I started to be filled with anger, anxiety, sadness and general unhappiness. I needed to protect my time as a way to survive in a culture that thinks that busy is the only way to live. I began to identify what mattered the most to me and started preserving it. I understood that my soul needed to recharge, refuel and refuse all the obligations that were making me crazy.
I will not apologize for daydreaming, napping, reflecting, stargazing or any other activity that speaks to my heart, so that I can hear those ever so slight whispers of love, life and happiness.
never despise the mundane, embrace it, unwrap it like a gift.
Lysa Terkeurst
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Making of a Minimalist 